So we have all heard the saying, “the grass is greener” or quite the opposite “the grass is not always greener.” This implies that we need a change in our lives. We have become bored with whatever we have been bothering with for a certain period of time, so we move on. To something different or refreshing.
I am not against this idea of finding “greener grass.” Change is great — that is also not the point here. It is something with our culture that I have noticed, maybe you too, have noticed. A change. An unsaid mindset that has struck society, and has thus far evolved the way we do things.
I’m going to try to tie a few themes together in this piece–it will all make sense by the end I promise. This is what happens when you have a lot of thoughts and you just want to share them
Finding greener grass or seeking it out poses a lot of questions: what made you want to initiate a change in your life? Were you unhappy? Uncomfortable? Bored? Unsafe? Regardless of what you felt at the time, you wanted or desired something different. And that is okay.
So what is the point? The long story short all boils down to one thing that has become of our fast-paced society. The very thing that makes us want to seek greener grass– instant gratification.
Most people want it “right now” these days. And as a society, we have granted the access. We live in a world of abundance. So when we desire something, we are expecting to get it now.
Think about it.
You go to the local Starbucks and order your usual. A skinny, vanilla, iced latte with one pump of vanilla sweetener because you are “cutting back.” But if that drink is not underneath your lips in 2 minutes upon ordering– a rage blackout. Or how about the time you sent that massive novel of a text to your significant other about how your life is falling apart, oh by the way, you need the groceries to be picked up after work, and also you are an emotional wreck today, but also you really want to talk about this one thing — and you don’t get a response for hours. Mutiny. Of course let us not forget about the time that you ordered a pair of Nike Air Force 1’s online and opted for express delivery and they came… that’s right — A DAY LATE. Mass chaos. You get the point. People are impatient.
Society is so adapted to being fast-paced because we have demanded faster and more efficient as a human race. We have studied human behavior since the beginning of evolution and basically concluded humans hate waiting. And of course! Who wouldn’t want their shit sooner than later? We created the drive-thru, the computer, unlimited data, the automobile, and of course the email system so we don’t have to send a pigeon to deliver our letters to one another anymore. We are quickly headed into the age of full-on automation. Another word for that is artificial intelligence or AI. But to be honest, that’s a whole other rabbit hole to go down at another time. All of this making our lives faster, desires more achievable, and changes more efficient. But these are little examples, that represent a larger theme at play into the bigger decisions we make in life.
Right out of college, you see students become so engrossed in “making it big.” They have this sweet degree, a piece of paper that said they did a good job looking on Quizlet pages for exam answers, and a smile on their face expecting some slick career right out of the gate. That does happen, sure. But a lot of the time, those of us in our 20’s get lost in our own realities and forget that things take time.
So let’s talk about that for a second.
Run it back to the whole “grass being greener” scheme. For example, a college kid who just graduates gets a full time job at Company A, and he’s been there for about a year. He’s learning the ins and outs, doing a fine job, making a pretty decent salary, getting the routine down, and now he’s getting pretty good at it. He’s upset however because he hasn’t been promoted yet. He sees all his peers getting these huge raises, this and that, wondering why he hasn’t been rewarded. What does college kid decide to do? He decides to quit and go to Company B, thinking the grass will be greener.
College kid has some valid concerns. I get it. I have seen myself slip down this path as well, don’t get me wrong. Feeling impatient with how I am progressing in my role, and not really seeing any benefit because things are getting “boring” or “monotonous.” I am in my twenties; I am dying for some cash and a reputable career. If I can find myself valued better at another company, with a better situation for myself, then yes, I am going to consider the opportunity. But there is something that I have realized about the reality of this whole cycle. It goes hand in hand with the Starbucks example. Taking too long to get your coffee? Go to Dunkin Donuts where it’s a minute faster. Not being promoted to manager within your first 6 months of your first big girl job out of college? Quit and go somewhere else. Your significant other is boring you after the honeymoon phase is worn off? Cheat or move onto someone different that gives you that fresh new hit of dopamine. All of these things happen today, and all of these things fall under the umbrella of instant gratification. And we want it right now, which can throw off our mindset of enduring the process when it is necessary to do so.
When it comes to this big idea of instant gratification and seeking out greener grass, I speak from experience with my own peers, generation, etc. I do realize, that this is also a stereotype. Not everyone falls under the umbrella. One thing I do want to share with my fellow young people, however, who live in this age of automation, information, and efficiency, is that patience is still a virtue.
Got that big job out of college and haven’t been promoted yet? Haven’t figured out what your role is within the company just yet? Be patient. Learning the ropes of a company does not happen in a week. I believe the saying is “Rome wasn’t built in a day.” Okay??? So the same thing applies here. Your career was not and will not be built in a week, a month, or even a year. Learn from your higher-ups, ask questions, work with a mentor. I will talk about the universe in another post at some point in more depth, but I’m a big believer that things happen to you at the perfect time and when they are supposed to happen. If that means after a certain period of time your job is legitimately trash, and you need to get out of there, make sure you have evaluated the situation honestly first before making a rash decision. So be patient with your career, or maybe look at it as a portfolio of experience rather than just “having the job.” Every company is different, so whenever your time to shine happens, it may be shorter, or longer following your first day on the job. That promotion, that raise — it will come. If you are an entrepreneur or a sole business owner of an e-commerce business for example, (which is all the rage these days and the way of the future), your sales might not take off for another few months. But again, patience is key here. The work you are putting in now is preparing you to reap the benefits in the future. It’s just not there yet.
The same thing goes for losing weight, or implementing a new habit of this sort into your lifestyle. There are so many companies and products that promote to “lose 30lbs in ONE WEEK” like it’s legal or something, feeding on our urges to be instantly gratified. Maybe you can do it, I’m not sure, but the most successful athletes, body builders, and trainers take years to master the technique of keeping weight off, establishing muscle, becoming lean, and burning fat. And that is not to discourage any of you. It is simply a fact. People fall into the trap of looking at the scale, seeing that the five pounds they were intending to lose, is not lost, even after that 3 day juice cleanse they just did. The result? They give up. And why do they give up? They want the results now, instead of granting themselves the patience necessary to understand this process will take consistency and time.
Now, when we start talking about this theme and how it plays into interpersonal relationships, something kind of “snaps” in my brain when this topic comes up. Online dating, for example. You want to get to know someone? Tinder, Bumble, Instagram, Twitter. Start talking right away about whatever it is, whenever you want to. AMAZING stuff. We have made it so convenient, and adhered so perfectly to one’s instant gratification, you can now get to know someone without even being in their physical presence. You do not even have to meet them ever. Ground breaking. And I do mean that. People have found connections through these mediums of communication that have made their lives better and 10 times more efficient, supplied a source of income, started movements, created business relationships and partnerships. There is good that comes out of all that.
There is something we MUST, and I repeat, MUST understand about human to human relationships, however. In how it relates to satisfying instant needs. You are not going to know what kind of person you are dating, or just getting to know, until a certain amount of time passes. Whether that takes days, months or years, it depends. So for all that is good and holy, BE PATIENT. I have dated individuals for 6 months to as long as four years. Some of my best friends have been with me my whole life, whereas some I have only known for a few months. It all depends. But one thing that I definitely know for a fact–trust is built over a period of time. Rome was not built in a day. The problems I see in a lot of present day relationships arise in the courting process. Right at the beginning. For intimate relationships, the courting phase has taken a bit of a backseat to our quick fixes, and there are a lot (not saying all) of relationships that tend to move extremely quick.
So what does that mean when relationships move fast? Is that bad? Am I going to get a smack on the hand from the relationship police if I really like someone from the get-go? Of course not, but just hear me out…
What I am trying to say is, when there is not much time allotted for trust, morals, honesty, and all of the core values of a relationship to develop, there is potential for the relationship to suffer a great deal in the long run. It’s much like cooking a juicy New York Strip steak. You have to marinate the meat with a few different spices, then squeeze some lemon on it, then add some olive oil, hours before it’s ready to be thrown on the grill. We want ALL of this person right now, we want to experience love right now, know all of their deepest darkest secrets right now, get into bed with them and experience physical attraction right now. You can agree with me or not, but social media exploits that very fact.
First, take a deep breath. Second, be patient. Not sure about that one person? Maybe meet up for coffee a couple of times to listen, learn. And yes, actively listening to another person takes time.
After reading that you probably thinking, “okay, Grandma…” It’s true, I’m old school. The whole concept of actually getting to know someone in person is huge for me. Social media relationships are, yes, a connection, however there is something VERY important missing from getting to know someone that way. Give someone the chance to feel the vibe you give off. It is ALL about the vibes.
To the reader, again, do what you want with this information. If your situation is different, great! I’m happy for you. My hope is that someone takes a piece of information from this whether it’s how to marinate a steak properly, or if it is about developing a deeper, more real relationship with others and yourself. Change is a good thing. It is also an inevitable thing. If we are going to make the decision to change something, move onto something different, we have to realize that the grass may look greener on the other side, but we have to evaluate a couple of things. Have we or have we not granted ourselves the patience to appreciate or cultivate the green grass that is right in front of us? Any fool can give into their instant gratification. Which is why I am telling you… Be the steak. Be patient. What you want is coming. For when it is time you take a bite, it will be the most juicy, flavorful, and real experience you have ever had.
Out and About 